then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
