i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
