addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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