weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
