well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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