drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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