my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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