Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is wine microwaveable?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
