I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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