I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
