FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
