only if we run a train.
done.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
