I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
