I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
how can u be prego again
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
