Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
