I'm gonna have a badass scar
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
