He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
