I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
