Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
