New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
