I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
