I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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