i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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