Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
