i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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