Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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