I CAN MOONWALK!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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