Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
