he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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