Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
