yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
