Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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