Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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