does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
