He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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