im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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