my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
