He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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