Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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