Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
