She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
