Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
