he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
