i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
