if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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