"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
