I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
