Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
