This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
