Life is so much better after having sex.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
