Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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