Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
