You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
