shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
