Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
