she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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