and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
