Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
