I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
