you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
