I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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