My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
